Bitter Beloved Read online

  I eyed Carter and nodded. “Go.”

  We shifted at the same time and I launched myself through the air, straight at the bark-brown wolf that was Carter. He planted his feet and bared his teeth, waiting to meet me head-on.

  I collided with him and we went rolling, end over end. I could hear his teeth snapping, feel his animal breath on my neck. I snapped and shoved at him with jaws and claws. When I could feel us slowing, and he threatened to pin me, I shoved hard and felt his ribs land with a thud against a tree trunk. The breath whooshed out of him and he stilled. Just for a second.

  I saw my opening.

  I sank my teeth into his neck and bit down. I felt his flesh tear—just a small piece—and the blood well up into my mouth. I released him and spit blood onto the leaves, heaving and shaking my head against the coppery taste it left behind. I thought that would be the end of it. I didn’t even bother to look back at him. I just assumed he’d take a minute to catch his breath, let his body heal, before he shifted back to his human form.

  So without turning, that’s what I did. I shifted back. To my sweaty ponytail and running shorts. And used my arm to wipe the blood off my chin. It felt beyond gross in this form to have blood on my mouth but it would be easier to clean this way. I pulled my shoulders back, getting ready to spit some more.

  Several yards away, Bevin raised the water bottle to toss it over then stopped mid-swing, her eyes going wide at something over my shoulder. She opened her mouth as if to yell something but never got a chance.

  The impact of Carter’s wolf weight hit me from behind and sent me flying. He landed on top of me in a strangled yelp, knocking the breath from my lungs. I convulsed and rolled over the grass, struggling to get my breath back.

  Carter rolled away before he could land on top of me. For that, I was grateful. Carter as a wolf was damn heavy.

  It dawned on me as I waited for the air to return that the impact from being thrown to the ground hadn’t even hurt. My lungs ached as they seized for air but all I registered was a burning sensation in my right shoulder, extending up to my neck. Vaguely, I had an image of sharp nails sinking into my shoulder and ripping skin away.

  I managed to glance down at my shoulder where the burning stemmed from. All I could do was stare at the red liquid bubbling up around the gaping hole of white tissue and exposed muscle. It didn’t even hurt. I was too shocked to be hurt. At first.

  My breath returned just in time for me to let out a scream.

  Carter collapsed beside me, back on two legs, panting. Bevin ran up and practically fell on my other side, her hand clutching my good arm. She was crying, though no tears had even fallen yet. Carter looked pale as a sheet.

  “Holy shit, Ray. I am so sorry,” Carter began.

  I screamed again—more of a wail this time as another round of pain rocked through my torn shoulder. The sound echoed into the trees around us. A couple of birds were startled out of their nest and shot away into the forest. Carter leaned in, blood covering his hands, his expression registering horror as he stared down at me. He kept looking from my face to my shoulder like he couldn’t make up his mind.

  “Sshh,” Carter said. “It’s okay. We’re here. You just need to—”

  I whimpered and Bevin rounded on her brother. “What the hell were you thinking, Carter?” Bevin demanded between sobs.

  “I didn’t— I mean, I jumped before I noticed she’d shifted. I’m sorry. Shit, I’m sorry.”

  Carter’s voice was like a track that kept skipping on my iPod. All I heard was “shit” and maybe an apology. I took a deep breath, blinking through hot tears that leaked out in automatic response to the blinding pain.

  “Carter.” My voice was a croak. A whisper. It stalled his commentary, got his attention.

  “Yeah, what, Regan? What?” He was hovering, clearly terrified and at a loss.

  “It hurts,” I managed.

  He nodded. “Okay, all right. You need to shift. It’s the only way you’ll heal. Oh shit, I think I see exposed muscle.” He squeezed his eyes shut, like he was gathering himself, and when he opened them again, they seemed a little clearer. A little calmer, but just as afraid.

  Strange. Carter was usually the calm one. Always talking me down. I blinked and swallowed, debating on saying that aloud, but talking seemed like a lot of work. I grit my teeth instead.

  “Regan?” Carter prompted, calmer now but still insistent.

  I looked up in to his blue eyes, lost in their stormy depths. “Yeah?”

  “You have to shift. Can you do that for me?”

  His voice was gentle. I focused on that, through the pain, and pressed my teeth together so hard that my jaw hurt. I kept doing it, glad for any other feeling than the one coming from my shoulder.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “It’s a little hard to focus.”

  His hand slid underneath my neck and he lifted so my head was propped up. Carter’s gaze flicked to my wound and his eyes widened but he didn’t comment. I probably didn’t want to know. “Please, Regan. I need you to do this,” he said.

  “Okay.” I tried to nod before I thought about it. The action sent a searing pain up my neck and into my spine. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip so hard I tasted blood. When the pain backed off again I struggled to clear my head and call up my wolf.

  It took a moment but it came, limping and whimpering, to the forefront of my mind. I wrangled it and hung on. “Okay,” I said again. “I’m ready.”

  Carter didn’t speak, and he didn’t release his hold on me. I closed my eyes and focused on my wolf and, slowly, I could feel the edges of my form begin to shimmer. The shift took longer this time. Way longer. I felt myself hovering at the in between. That elusive place where you were sort of both creatures at once, with awareness for each. It was exhilarating and powerful. Or it would have been if I could talk or move without feeling like half my body was about to explode.

  Then all at once, my arms and legs lengthened then split and I slid into my wolf. Carter released me and shifted, too. I stayed still, lying on my side in the leaves, scared to move until healing took place. Carter bent over me, all wolf, and licked at the edges of the hole he’d torn in my shoulder.

  I heard myself whimper, but I didn’t pull away. In our wolf forms, we could heal from almost every physical wound inflicted—except for a vampire bite. Once the venom was in our blood, that was it. But being able to heal didn’t stop our animal instincts from taking over, and I knew Carter needed to tend the wound.

  I felt the magic begin to work but I remained rigid and still until I was sure the gaping hole had fully closed. I wasn’t taking any chances with that sharp, shooting pain I’d felt when I’d moved before. Inch by painful inch, the muscles reformed and the wound closed.

  Slowly, feeling stiff, I flexed the muscles in my shoulder. When that was done, I wiggled my front paw. It felt normal, no pain. Only then did I roll my weight to my belly and push up onto my feet.

  Carter stayed close, nudging and nuzzling me with his nose. I let him. It was his wolf’s way of apologizing and letting him do it was my way of accepting. When he’d licked my coat clean of the blood, I stepped away and turned to face him. I looked him right in the eye as I shifted back. There wouldn’t be any mistake this time.

  Carter shifted a breath later. As soon as he had two legs under him, he came toward me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him. I was too surprised to argue. At least, at first. Carter and I were not affectionate despite our lifelong friendship. In fact, the older we got, the more it seemed we were at odds with each other, always snapping and bickering.

  I hugged him back, though not nearly as tight as he did. He pulled away to look down at me and stroked my hair. His eyes roamed over me. My shoulder, my neck, my arms. He pressed his hand to the place my flesh had been torn moments ago, as if to assure himself it was really healed. When our eyes met again, there was something else besides the worry and guilt for hurting me. I couldn’t name it, but my breath caught at the intensity. It wasn’t an expression he’d ever used on me before.

  “Are you okay?” he asked. His voice dropped to a deep timbre, rumbling through his chest. I could feel the words in my arms wrapped around his body.

  “I’m fine, Carter.”

  My words, or the tone, seemed to remind him how strange it was for him to be holding me this way. He dropped his hands like he’d been burned and backed away.

  “I’m sorry, Regan. I really am. I didn’t see you shift and I thought we were still—” He exhaled. “I’m sorry.”

  I nodded, feeling empty in light of his apology. Or maybe it had to do with his hands letting me go. I shook that idea away as ridiculous. Carter was my friend, nothing more. “It’s fine.” The words came out sharper than I’d intended. Carter winced.

  “Well. Good.” He walked a few yards away and grabbed a water bottle from the pile at Bevin’s feet.

  I sighed. Why was it so much easier to apologize when we were wolves? Why was it so much easier for me to accept?

  Carter chugged half the bottle and held it out toward me. I took it but didn’t drink. I was still watching him, trying to think of something to say that didn’t make me feel mean—or weird.

  “I know it was an accident, Carter.” Something flashed across his face. Pain. Regret. More worry. “But I’m fine now. See?” I held my arm out and gestured to my shoulder. The wound was gone. All that remained was a large stain of dried blood. My shirt was ruined.

  “Yeah, I see. Drink some water.”

  His tone was rough, like mine, all trace of emotion and concern removed. I didn’t have it in me to argue so I took a few gulps from the water bottle.

  I wouldn’t admit it to him, but the bite had shaken me up. If I hadn’t been able to shift I wouldn’t have made it. For some reason, all I could think about was the competition. My fight with Charlie. I’d heard stories of pack fights, alphas getting challenged. The winner was always clear in those—because the loser didn’t make it. If we were injured too badly, even our wolf bodies sometimes couldn’t heal. If that happened to Charlie …

  I wasn’t going to think about that. I was skilled in combat. I’d have to find a way to take her down without fatally injuring her.

  “You okay?” Carter was staring at me. He’d gotten close again. His broad chest and high shoulders blocked my view of anything but him. His closeness, the memory of his arms around me, made me uncomfortable.

  “We should get back.” Instead of going around him, and risking further contact, I turned on my heel and retrieved my towel. I poured some water on it and used it to wipe the dried blood off my arm. My shirt couldn’t be helped. Carter helped Bevin gather up the water and the rest of our stuff and we headed for the trail.

  We walked in silence for a few minutes. Branches and leaves crackled under foot. I wondered what he was thinking. Some part of me needed to fill the silence. It should’ve been comfortable; Carter and I had grown up together. Grown into our inner werewolf together. I’d been teased by him and picked on him and there were times we’d fought like brother and sister. Against each other and against our enemies. But something had changed when Carter had hugged me just now. I just wasn’t sure what it was.

  “I’m sorry you won’t be beta,” I said finally.

  Carter looked over at me and I could see the surprise in his expression before his features smoothed and his mouth quirked. “Remember when we were six and you got mad at me and demanded your parents remove my dad as beta. Put your dad in instead?”

  I smiled at the memory. “You jumped out at me when I was walking home through the woods. I was so embarrassed that I shifted.”

  Carter laughed. “And when you shifted back, you were minus one pair of pants.”

  I glared at him, indignant all over again. “You shouldn’t have laughed.”

  He rubbed his arm as if the memory of my retribution still hurt. “You got me back,” he pointed out.

  “Not enough justice for a six-year-old,” I said, shaking my head.

  “But your mom wouldn’t bow to your demands,” he said.

  “It wasn’t up to her. Pack law,” I said now, remembering her words, her face as she’d explained it all regretfully, until my chest panged.

  “Husband and wife can’t work together,” Carter finished and his smile faded as he took in my expression.

  A beat of silence passed. I sucked in a deep breath to get a hold on my emotions and shoved the grief away. Carter cleared his throat and shrugged. “Whatever. You and your sis are Vuks. You deserve the leadership roles.” He was working hard at keeping his voice neutral, but I could hear the strain.

  Just ahead of us, Bevin was silent.

  “That might be true,” I said. “Doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it too. I like knowing you have my back, Carter.”

  “Even after I took a chunk out of it?” he asked, a smile ghosting his lips.

  I smiled back. “Better you than that rotting vamp, Owen,” I said.

  Carter’s shoulders relaxed and he rubbed his chin. “True. I still can’t get over the way he looked at your sister the other night.” He gave an exaggerated shiver. “Like he wanted to eat her.”

  “And not necessarily in a vampy kind of way,” Bevin tossed over her shoulder.

  I made a face. “Gross, Bev.”

  Carter’s brows furrowed. “You don’t think she would...”

  “No. Absolutely not.” I shook my head. “She knows better.”

  “Does she?” Bev asked I opened my mouth to argue, but she cut me off. “Carter said she was still clueless about vampires up until the night of the party. We failed in our due diligence there. Have we really sat her down and explained why they’re so off limits?”

  I frowned as I tried to think back over my conversations with Charlie regarding the Rossi family or vamps in general. I thought I’d made it clear, but now, remembering the words I’d used, I wasn’t sure. Bevin and Carter were silent, clearly waiting for me to say something.

  “She knows enough,” I said finally.

  Carter’s eyebrow lifted.

  “If you say so,” Bevin said.

  We were almost out of the trees. I could see the field opening up ahead of us. The fork in the road where we always split off to go our separate ways. Me up to the mansion on the hill and the two of them down to the cul-de-sac that housed the elder families.

  As we trudged closer, the competition—and the need to train—weighed heavily. Then again, after what had just happened I realized the best training partner I had was Carter. No doubt he’d understand my strategy to find a way to creatively injure Charlie, a way to maim her without endangering her life. I felt a momentary pang of guilt that I would be asking him for help with the very event that would officially take away his role as pack beta, but there was a bigger picture here. Surely he would see that.

  “Hey, Carter, can I talk to you for a sec?” I called as the two of them broke into the clearing and veered toward their house.

  “Yeah, sure,” he said, retracing his steps to me. “What’s up?”

  Bevin paused to look back at us, indecision wrinkling her features. After a second’s hesitation, she rushed back to pull me into a hug.

  “Oh,” I said in surprise. Bevin wasn’t a hugger. Or maybe that was me. My arms came around her back slowly and she squeezed me tight.

  “Don’t scare me like that again,” she said fiercely in my ear.

  She let me go before I could think of a response and marched off, ponytail swinging.

  Carter’s expression softened. “She cares about you a lot,” he said.

  “Me too,” I admitted.

  Awkward silence fell between us. All I could think about was how good it had felt when he’d been the one with his arms around me.

  “What did you want to talk to me about?” he asked.

  I cleared my throat, trying to choose the right words. “A favor, actually,” I said. “The competition with Charlie … I don’t know what they’ll ask of us but it’s safe to say one of the rounds will include some sort of combat or fight and I need—I want to find a way to win without …”

  “You want to avoid hurting her,” he finished.

  “Yes,” I said.

  Carter nodded, complete understanding in his gaze, and I exhaled in relief. My father—or anyone else from the pack—might look at my intention as a weakness. But Carter got it. And he didn’t think less of me.

  “And you want me to help you practice?” he guessed.

  “Yes,” I said again, this time more uncertain than before. I gave a smile that was too much teeth. “I know it’s asking a lot after what just happened but I trust you and—”

  “I’ll do it,” he said.

  I blinked. “You will? Wow, that was easier than I thought.”

  “I’ll always help you, Regan. Whatever you need. I’ve told you that,” he said.

  “I know, I just … It’s unfair. Asking you to help me make her my beta.”

  He frowned. “I don’t resent Charlie for that. Or you. None of this is your fault. Besides, it’s not like I’m losing you. Beta is just a role. There are others.”

  “I …” I had no idea what to say to that. Losing me? I thought this was about beta. Not me. But the way he said it made it sound like I mattered more than just to offer him a leadership position in the pack. Like he just wanted to be near me.

  I shifted, feeling weird again. When had things become so awkward with Carter? I mean … it was Carter.

  “Right,” I said finally, not quite meeting his gaze just in case there was more awkward there. “Thanks. I better get back,” I added.

  “Sure. Take care. I’ll see you soon,” he said.

  We split off to our respective homes. It didn’t bear mentioning that none of us planned on bringing up the little mishap in the woods. Especially to my father or his. They wouldn’t be happy. Mostly with Carter, but I wasn’t going to bring that down on either of us. Carter could be a pain in the ass but he was definitely trustworthy. It really was too bad I was losing him as a beta.